Got scolded again today...
Coz i rolled my eyes....
sigh...
I must learn to control my facial expressions...

I really believed that my parents
don't understand me at all....
I used to think that no matter what
my parents would understand me...

But...
i dunno...
I doesn't seem that way at all...
They seem so far...
I don't even know them anymore...

It's so sad..
How people so close to each other
can misundrstand each other
at all...
Haiz...
LIFE IS SO CONFUSING!!!
This is what i feel like shouting out loud!!!
But how???

I feel so trapped...caged....suffocated....
HELP!!!
Somebody...anybody....give me advice....
I need somebody to lean on...
Who can be my pillar....
My shoulder...
My strength....

Ya Ya...I know GOD.....
But he seems so far away....
I feel like crying...
yet...
I must be strong...
after all...

I've locked these feelings up for so many years...
I've never let anyone know...

when i liked someone....
no one could or would know...

when i felt unhappy...
non could or would feel...

When i felt like crying...
I would always put up a brave front...

There was always some one else
who needed to lean on me...
who needed my help...
I was always the older sister...
The pillar..
The shoulder...

But..
you know...
sometimes...
I need a shoulder to lean on too...
It used to be my Dad's...
Ya...i know...

But...
I used to love it...
To be able to see my Dad...
every morning and night...
When he left for buisness trips...
i would cry...
I'd admit it...

I'M A DADDY'S GIRL!!!
and proud of it too!!!

But...
some how...
That feeling turned into
sourness...
now...

i can't wait for him to get out of the house...
i don't want him to return so early anymore...
i don't like this feeling....
It doesn't seem right...
A family isn't supposed to feel this way...

Right???
I'm not sure of anything anymore...
Are things the way it's meant to be...
why did things turn out this way...
whose fault is it...
mine???

because i didn't open up myself...
because i didn't let them be sure of what i'm thinking...
because i didn't stay the same...
because i didn't do things the way i used to...
because i didn't keep my thoughts to myself...

Why do they say that you're good one moment..
and turn around to say that you're not behaving well...
How do they measure...
How do they know....
they say that they understand...

but are they sure...
can they still remember...
Is it the same...
Questions that no one knows...
They only know what they think is good for you...
but do they really know what you feel...
what goes through your mind....
do they see it from your point of veiw..

Or...
does it become what it has always been..
all along and will always be...
They say say you listen...
If you even try to tell them how you feel...
It gets cut off...
and slowly turns into a debate...

who will win???
Them of course...
haha...
who else...
after all...
they're the one that has the money...

Yes...Yes...
Money is not everything...
But without money you can do nothing...

Helpless...